Bad News Mets
by mikedv
Summary: "The Michael Kay Show" radio host Michael Kay is fired from his job as New York Yankees baseball announcer. Retired New York Mets player Jerry Blevins now works as an auto-mechanic. The two cross paths in this original screenplay/fan-fiction story by Mike Del Vecchio.


1.  
Mike Piazza is crouched down, taking pitches bullpen-style from Jerry Blevins in a darkened CITI Field parking lot. Nearby, Roger Clemens clutches a broken bat in his parked car. Mike Francesa's radio show plays over his car-radio and a dashboard hula dancer swings back and forth. Clemens repeatedly says, "I'm Roger Clemens" as a crazed look comes over his face.

2.  
Michael Kay is at an upstate New York diner, enjoying an old-fashioned hamburger and fries. He's wearing a disguise- some hair-dye and a fake mustache. A Yankee game broadcast plays in the background, on the restaurant's television. Kay is alone, at a booth. Another customer sits at the counter, facing the T.V. A waiter appears, wearing a grease-stained apron. He fills a glass with ice water and says, "Did you hear about Michael Kay? Heard he was let go. Apparently something he said on the air. Didn't go over well. Guess he's on the Q-T now." The customer politely smiles and nods in return, as if he doesn't care what was said, but indicates he was listening anyway. Michael Kay shovels some fries into his mouth. The restaurant's entrance swings open with a loud "cccrrrrreak!" In walks Jerry Blevins, wearing a members-only jacket and a navy blue baseball cap with burnt-orange interlocking N and Y fuzzy letters embroidered on it. He takes an open seat and orders. "One root beer float please, and an order of hot wings."  
"Right away sir."  
"Would you mind changing the channel on the TV? The Mets game is on."  
"No problem, sir."  
Michael Kay rolls his eyes and takes a bite from his burger. The diner employee uses the television remote to turn up the volume. The game shows an Oakland A's outfielder catching a long fly ball in the outfield.  
"And that's another loss for the Amazins. They are now winless over twenty games," says Ron Darling.  
"They are in desperate need of a new manager," Gary Cohen chimes in, "I have to wonder, what about Michael Kay?" All three booth announcers laugh together.  
"Oh, he's off counting his money somewhere," adds Keith Hernandez.  
Michael Kay squints his eyes. Jerry Blevins drizzles bleu cheese sauce all over his wings. Michael Kay shakes his head disapprovingly.

3.  
At a Bronx, New York autobody shop called, "Del Vecchio's" Jerry Blevins works on a rusted muscle car. The owner, an older gentleman smokes a cigarette and wears jeans with a white v-neck undershirt.  
"Jerry," he starts, "how many years ago were you a major leaguer?"  
Blevins looks up, but doesn't respond. He continues to work with a wrench. There's a noticeable silence. The owner continues, "What, you didn't save any money, Jerry?"

The scene shifts to the backyard of the shop where some workers are playing stickball. The backstop is a large concrete wall with a white rectangle painted on. One of the participants takes a swing and misses. He stops and says,  
"Hey Jerry, you wanna bat?"  
"... I can pitch," Blevins suggests with a serious tone. He strikes out two consecutive mechanics artfully and with changes in tempo. Blevins shows off his ability to get "in the zone" when he pitches.

4\. Michael Kay is pictured driving a brown Oldsmobile along I-87 South, towards New York City. He rips off his fake mustache while at the wheel, and throws it out of the window. He turns the dial on his radio to tune into the Yankees game.  
"Well, that's another win for the Yanks. They have won seventeen of their last twenty," says Don LaGreca. Michael Kay appears expressionless as he continues to drive. A five second clip of music plays. Don continues, "That's right, you are listening to 98.7 ESPN and this is your new host for each and every Yankees game, Don LaGreca. You heard me. That guy with the big head, what was his name, Todd McShay? He's out and I'm in. Goodbye Todd." Michael Kay is now steaming mad. He slams his hands against the steering wheel and keeps driving.

5\. Jerry Blevins sits at a small table inside a not-very-busy pizzeria with his friend, Karl McCarthy. Karl has blonde hair and big teeth, wears glasses and is of small stature. Blevins folds his slice of pizza and draws it towards his mouth. Karl interjects,  
"Jerry, have you seen this team since you left? They're abysmal!"  
Blevins looks up as he takes a bite of his folded pizza slice. Karl takes a noisy sip from a large paper cup of soda with a straw. He pauses, then says, "Look at this!"  
The pizzeria's television set shows the Mets down ten runs to none in the bottom of the ninth inning. A Met batter takes a strike looking.  
"Another loss for the Mets," says Ron Darling.  
"Well, this has to be rock bottom," adds Gary Cohen.  
"It makes you wonder," Keith says, "what types of moves management is going to make. The team is in desperate need of a new manager."  
Blevins shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of pizza crust.

6.  
Michael Kay sits in his car in the Yankee Stadium parking lot and eats a chocolate donut. He is crying. Tears stream down his face. His cell phone rings. He gathers it from his pocket and flips it open.  
"Hello?" he says sheepishly. A soft voice comes over the line.  
"Michael, it's Jodi. It's over. Our marriage is over. I'm leaving you." Kay's face is illuminated by the bright lights of the stadium. As the phone call ends, the stadium lights are shut off with a loud, "Slam!" Kay's face is then shown darkened by the night sky. He continues to cry. He flips his phone back open and scrolls through his list of contacts. He selects one. "Keith Hernandez." He hits the phone's "Send" button. The phone shows, "Dialing Keith Hernandez..."

7.  
Blevins is in the autobody shop again, laying on a roller, working underneath another muscle car. Karl sits in a folding chair nearby and reads the newspaper.  
"Hey, have you heard of this new pitcher, Shigeru Tayana?" Karl asks.  
"Nope!" responds Jerry from underneath the car.  
"Says here he is personal friends with Bobby Valentine."  
Another automechanic from the shop walks into the garage and says, "Excuse me, Jerry," he pauses, "Mr. Piazza is here to see you." Blevins rolls out from under the car and wipes some dirt off of his fingertips and onto his shirt.

8.  
Michael Kay walks up to the entrance of a bustling Irish public house. Music blares from the interior sound system and patrons loudly talk to one another. Keith Hernandez emerges from the entranceway of the bar.  
"Michael! Glad you could make it man!"  
"Yeah, well," responds Kay.

9\. "Listen, Jerry," Mike Piazza stands with Jerry Blevins, who continues to wipe motor oil and debris off of his fingers and into a washcloth. "They cut my career short by a year and yours by at least three or four." Jerry nods and listens. Piazza continues, "We're working on bringing in a new manager and I want you to come back. Pitch bullpen."  
"I mean Mike, I don't know..." Jerry starts in.  
"Bobby is down in Japan with a new prospect. This guy Shigeru Tayana. We're gonna be back in this thing man, I know it."  
"I'll think about it," replies Jerry. Karl is pictured in the corner, smiling.

10\. "So how have you been?" asks Keith, who sits side-by-side with Michael Kay. Both men are now inside the boisterous bar.  
"Not great," Michael replies with a defeated tone.  
"I heard they finally loosened up your shackles over there in the boogie down, man."  
"Lost my job. My wife says she's leaving me. This is bad." "Bartender!" Keith looks away from Kay and raises two fingers up from his hand to motion the barkeep. "Five shots of your finest, please."  
"Five shots, Keith?" Michael asks incredulously.  
"Three for me, and two for you. One for each of your problems."  
"What, you think you can out-drink me, tough guy?" Kay asks.  
"Let's go shot for shot then Michael, what do I care?" Keith replies. He taps both of his hands on the bar. "Bartender, make that ten shots!"

There is a montage of stop-motion clips of Keith and Michael Kay both drinking together at the bar, laughing and have a great time to some 80's classic rock. The screen goes blank temporarily while Patrick Hernandez's song "Born To Be Alive" begins playing. This begins a "Saturday Night Fever"-esque dance sequence wherein Michael and Keith have a dance battle. Keith starts slow by doing the robot and holding a cocktail in one hand. Kay ups the ante by doing a tomahawk-style dance. Keith puts his drink down and begins doing disco moves. Kay is shown with his necktie tied around his head also doing disco moves. Both men then begin to slide on their knees on the dance floor. Keith slides and Michael jumps over him, then vice-versa. The music fades out.

"So whatd'ya think Michael, are you uhh up for it? Do you want to be the new manager?" Keith slurs his words. Kay takes a sip from a cocktail and looks out the bar's window. Both men are seated at the bar once again. Loud footsteps are heard clicking on the pavement outside. Kay sees Don LaGreca wearing a long, tan-colored raincoat and escorting Jodi into a livery cab. He looks at Keith and then looks forward.  
"Oh yeah."

11.  
The scene begins with a close-up shot of Karl's face, greasy with motor oil, rolling from underneath a car. The engine roars. "Let's go," Blevins says authoritatively as he sits behind the wheel of yet another muscle car.

Blevins and Karl are pictured in a high-speed and action-packed driving scene. At the conclusion, the car does a reverse-180 into a city street parking spot. Blevins and Karl get out of the car. The camera shows Michael Kay who drunkenly staggers down a similar city street, perhaps nearby. He drunkenly pieces the words together for the song, "Build Me Up Buttercup."

12.  
Kay is in bed and drifts off to sleep. The camera spins and fades as we enter his dream sequence. Clouds appear. Then Alex Rodriguez does. "You were never a real Yankee, Michael" says A-Rod. "We just put up with you. We didn't really want you here," Alex says matter-of-factly. By his side, Derek Jeter appears.  
"Hey Michael, guess what?" Derek asks. He swings two bats at once. Both former Yankees are dressed in full uniform. "You weren't good enough, Michael. To be a Yankee?" Both A-Rod and Jeter erupt in laughter and high-five one another.  
"You see Michael? Derek and I, we're winners. You're just a loser," A-Rod adds. Both men continue to laugh and fade away into the clouds.

Mr. Met appears in the clouds. To his side, Mookie Wilson appears, playing a stratocaster guitar. "Yeah, yeah" he sings, as he strums some bluesy chords on the guitar. "Michael, we're glad you're here with us," he continues to sing his words.  
Michael Kay is pictured eyes-closed in bed, tossing and turning and muttering, "No, no." Mookie Wilson plays a smooth melodic phrase on the guitar and smiles. "We're glad you're home, Michael. Welcome home. You're one of us now. You're a Met." The sound of an alarm clock rings loudly and begins to warp in and out with reverberation as Mookie and Mr. Met also fade back into the clouds. The sound of the alarm rings more loudly and clearly. It's now the next morning. Michael Kay abruptly springs up from under the covers of his bed spread.

13\. It's a bright Spring day. Michael Kay wears blue jeans, white "Stan Smith" Adidas sneakers and a blue-and-orange colored, plaid patterned, cotton short-sleeve dress shirt, untucked. He also wears dark-rimmed glasses. He holds a clip-board and patrols a line of Mets players as they practice throwing to one another on the morning dew of a baseball practice field. An assistant runs over. "Michael... telephone call for you." The screen shifts to the right and a new scene is revealed.

"Michael, it's Bobby. Listen, I'm in Thailand for the weekend," Bobby Valentine is pictured in a Hawaiian shirt on a beach, being given a shoulder massage by two women. He drinks from a cocktail with a small umbrella placed inside. He lounges on a beach chair underneath palm trees. "... but I was just with Shigeru. He'll be in Queens tonight. Late. Listen, good luck buddy. You're gonna need it, Yankee boy!" Michael Kay shakes his head and noisily jams the wired telephone back into its receiver.

14\. The telephone smashing into the receiver acts as a transitional noise and is one-to-one with the sound of... Jerry Blevins hits the heavy bag in a boxing gym. Karl stands behind the bag, his glasses slid down the arch of his nose. Jerry throws a right hook against the bag firmly and says, "This..." He moves his feet back and forth and positions himself then unloads a quick series of alternating jabs. "Kid..." He bobs his head to simulate dodging punches from the opposition then wollops a right uppercut and concludes, "Sucks!" The camera shows a television screen on a shelf in the gym, tuned into another Mets game.  
Gary Cohen says, "Well, folks, Shigeru Tayana in his debut has just given up a grand slam."  
Keith adds, "This kid has a lot of talent, he just has to learn how to dial it in."  
"Well, we know he was brought over from Japan personally by Bobby Valentine who has a great relationship with the baseball talent over there," Ron Darling adds, "It's gonna be a long day here at CITI Field, and to top it all off, the Mets new manager, Michael Kay of all people, is nowhere in sight!" The television camera pans to an empty-of-Kay Mets dugout.

15.  
Kay stands second in line at "Petey's Burger Stand" inside of CITI field, where two of his former "The Michael Kay Show" radio program colleagues are now working. Behind the grill is Peter Rosenberg, who wears a Washington Redskins jersey and flips burgers and hot dogs. As the customers in front of Kay leave with their order, Kay is next up. He is greeted by RJ.  
"Welcome to Petey's Burgers, how can I help you?"  
"RJ... is that you?" Kay asks.  
"Hey Michael, rough day out there?"  
"Yeah"  
"Did you hear about Don?"  
"...Yeah"  
"He's the new announcer for..."  
"I heard," Kay interrupts RJ.  
"And his new assistant... Andrew."  
"Hey Michael!" Peter Rosenberg points his spatula in Kay's direction and smiles as steam from the grill rises.  
"Hi Peter," Michael says.  
"What happened man?" Peter asks mockingly. He brandishes a wide grin.

16.  
A cut from "Jock Jams" begins to play, at a low volume. Don and Andrew are shown talking to one-another in the Yankees broadcasting booth. Don starts, "This Yankees team is on fire, absolutely on fire."  
"Yeah, they are," Andrew adds.  
"They have a two game stand coming up. It's another subway series. If they can win they'll have twenty two wins and be on record pace here for what has to be a playoff season."  
"Right, and of course, the Mets are winless. This is one of those scenarios where the Mets have everything to play for and the Yankees are just on another win-streak and need to stay hot."  
The volume of the pump-up song increases as we are shown a promo for a Subway Series, just like the ones you normally see on television. The Yankees player "Tony Smith" is highlighted as a power hitter. He looks menacing and chews a big wad of bubble gum. Mets pitcher Shigeru Tayana is highlighted as an ace pitcher and clips of him throwing strikes in-game are shown.

17.  
"Well I can't believe it," says Gary in the booth, "the Mets finally get their first win of the season last night after Tony Smith is ejected from the game in an unceremonious sort of fashion."  
"Yes," Ron Darling adds, "tonight is the night. The win at home at CITI field was big, but I have to imagine tonight is bigger. For Michael Kay and for this Mets team." The game's umpire is shown brushing off home plate. A close up of his eye-blacked face shouts, "Play Ball!"

18.  
Jerry Blevins and Piazza throw together in the nighttime CITI field parking lot.  
"There you go, Jerry," says Mike as he catches a fastball. We see a deja-vu of Roger Clemens in his parked car.

19.  
Back in the game, the scoreboard shows top of the eight inning, two outs. Michael Kay is in the Mets dugout with Shigeru Tayana, whose pitching arm is wrapped heavily with ice and Ace bandages. Kay heads over to the phone and dials the bullpen.

20.  
Clemens bursts out of his car and dramatically staggers towards Mike Piazza in the parking lot, with the broken baseball bat shard. As he approaches, Blevins winds up and throws his in-the-zone heater, which bends and curves and... strikes Clemens directly in his right temple. Clemens hits the pavement. Mike Piazza is momentarily stunned. Blevins walks toward him and both men enter the stadium from an exterior entrance in the outfield.

21.  
"And the Mets are bringing in... Jerry Blevins?" Don LaGreca says from the Yankees broadcast booth. The Yankee Stadium crowd's reponse is mixed. There is applause as Blevins takes the mound. Michael Kay emerges from the dugout to a chorus of boos. Both on the pitching mound, Kay hands Blevins a baseball. Amidst the riotous noise he says, "It's all you." He smiles and turns around to jog back to the Mets dugout. On the way back in he shields his head from being pelted with debris.  
"All Blevins has to do is strike out Tony Smith and the Mets will have a chance to bat," says Don LaGreca, back in the booth.  
Blevins throws three strikes in a row to retire Smith.  
"Stee-ya-riiike, three!" the umpire yells!

22.  
"Well the Mets will have their chance to close out this two game subway series," says Ron Darling from the Mets broadcast booth. His tone is self-satisfied.  
"It looks like Michael Kay is sending Blevins up to bat," adds Gary Cohen.  
"You know, this doesn't surprise me," adds Keith, "these Mets pitchers like to take swings as we all know."  
Blevins stands in the batters box and taps his bat on the ground. Michael Kay is shown in the dugout looking on anxiously. Blevins takes a practice swing and gets into his stance for the first pitch.  
"Crack!" he swings on the first pitch. The camera pans to Michael Kay's smiling face as he utters his catchphrase, "See ya!" The ball goes over the center-field fence for a home run and the Mets win the game. Mets players along with Kay storm the field and jump up and down. A Mets player drenches Kay with an entire full cooler of gatorade. As Kay jumps up and down and smiles the frame freezes and then fades into a blur of colors, then to black. The credits roll.


End file.
